In my mental

Stressed, suicidal, depressed.You need it — all under one roof — we got it

Supermarket like Nakumatt. 
I’ve been down the road,

Over the bridge,

Down the way and I heard ’em say,

Nothing’s ever promised tomorrow today
I love her 😍,

Rockstar,

But I’m not, really,

You see me trapping because I’m trapped,

You feel me hurting,

No?

Thanks for the like instead of the telephone call,

Thanks for sharing it all 🙏🏾

I was out and with nothing to nurse my fall,

I could only end up in a crawl,

And after all-owing,

I had nothing left when I got something. 

Nothing left and you still thought we had something?

I cried about you and lied we were good 😊,

I don’t want to be rude but it’s fucked how you’re the dude,

I’m in my feelings all the time and that’s not you,

Which is probably why I love yours so much so,

It comes from a place of unfamiliarity and uncertainty,

But it’s as genuine as your smile when you’re at the marina with the roomie. 

I love you. You are as free and liberating as this free writing. 
In all the darkness I thought only of you. 

Remember when I said it in that hotel in Dar,

Telling you (in brief) long tales of how far,

We came and hurt we became and I could only in those times think of your name. 

And still you play the game,

Because really you know your emotions you intentionally tame,

Really you know you love and have a heart but want to tell me you’re hard. 
But I’ll deal 😷 

I came prepared, mask on,

I’m here for the long haul,

Let’s play ball 🏀 

I love you and I’m unafraid to say it

If I died right then (remember then and THEN), I’d be okay with it. 

There, I said it. 
Yours in perpetuity,

Whether you choose to see me and be with it is up to thee,
Evans Mbora Campbell 

PS: Just Me

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Rejected?

The one thing I ever did with all my heart,

The one weapon I’d spare for my life-or-death brawl,

The egg I’d never let fall,

But they spat on it and decided I’m not fit enough for all this after all,

I’m left wondering if dreams should be stopped by a panel of 2×4,

Was my vision flawed because it focused on the weakest links from which to build on?

 

 

Are the basics no longer consequential?

Was there just one perspective to view it from?

Was it objective or biased, who decided everything when the final moment dawned?

Am I to sit back and arrest the heartbreak for being wrong?

Lock it away and act like it hasn’t left me feeling lifeless and deeply torn?

Is there a point to all this pain, is it to make me gain when my mind was set on something now gone?

All these questions I mull endlessly upon,

Yet I have no answers to any of them and feel like my passion was misunderstood if not ignored,

My experience a non-factor, if not foregone…

 

 

Blood, sweat, tears,

Money, days, YEARS,

All for this moment, a different taste in my mouth from that I dreamed about and endeared,

It all feels far worse than weird,

My heart sunken, probably lost at sea or in an ocean charted only by Black Beard,

I don’t know what I could tell everyone else who believed in me, “flowery language” disappeared,

I’m articulate, but towards something else I’m apparently geared…

 

 

I’ll forever remember being a part of a beautiful place,

Two best friends, five countries and so many smiles it put on my face,

Which is why, despite everything, I will certainly remain,

 

 

Yours in perpetuity,

 

Evans Mbora Campbell.