In my mental

Stressed, suicidal, depressed.You need it β€” all under one roof β€” we got it

Supermarket like Nakumatt. 
I’ve been down the road,

Over the bridge,

Down the way and I heard ’em say,

Nothing’s ever promised tomorrow today
I love her 😍,

Rockstar,

But I’m not, really,

You see me trapping because I’m trapped,

You feel me hurting,

No?

Thanks for the like instead of the telephone call,

Thanks for sharing it all πŸ™πŸΎ

I was out and with nothing to nurse my fall,

I could only end up in a crawl,

And after all-owing,

I had nothing left when I got something. 

Nothing left and you still thought we had something?

I cried about you and lied we were good 😊,

I don’t want to be rude but it’s fucked how you’re the dude,

I’m in my feelings all the time and that’s not you,

Which is probably why I love yours so much so,

It comes from a place of unfamiliarity and uncertainty,

But it’s as genuine as your smile when you’re at the marina with the roomie. 

I love you. You are as free and liberating as this free writing. 
In all the darkness I thought only of you. 

Remember when I said it in that hotel in Dar,

Telling you (in brief) long tales of how far,

We came and hurt we became and I could only in those times think of your name. 

And still you play the game,

Because really you know your emotions you intentionally tame,

Really you know you love and have a heart but want to tell me you’re hard. 
But I’ll deal 😷 

I came prepared, mask on,

I’m here for the long haul,

Let’s play ball πŸ€ 

I love you and I’m unafraid to say it

If I died right then (remember then and THEN), I’d be okay with it. 

There, I said it. 
Yours in perpetuity,

Whether you choose to see me and be with it is up to thee,
Evans Mbora Campbell 

PS: Just Me

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I Don’t Want to Know WhatsApp

I generally avoid this app,
It goes against a lot that I learnt growing up,
Ticks are supposed to be positive reinforcement for the good things you do,
Not a cutting indictment just by virtue of a changed hue,
So what if they’re now blue?
Who made this the basis of our communication all through?
“I’m late to text because I had an assignment due,”
“I got a little distracted by the latest season of Dr. Who…”
Why should that make me have to rue not getting back to you?

 

In school,
These ticks were red and they never left us blue,
They were a tool,
They excited and incited, we sought them like food,
But now, they only make us wonder if it’s “too soon”,
“Oh my, I texted and she hasn’t replied, what should I do?”
Relax and think back to a time before this was all you knew,
Or tap into the human knowledge passed down for centuries to your innate sensibilities,
And realise that maybe, kinda, sorta, really, it’s all good in the hood.

 

Maybe I’m biased because I have experience with letters,
Those well-scripted, highly coveted and much-adorned pieces of paper I sent across county borders,
Hoping that their unsuspecting recipients would deem me worthy of a requited gesture.
Back then you had no choice but to wait and play it safe,
You had no right to a reply or any idea whether she had several from another guy; strafe,
So you held your breath not and prayed,
That she dug the dedix in the post-scriptum and β€” with her number β€” another paper would return…

 

 

But now look at us, so lost in the paste of distastefully being unable to wait,
Unable to reason beyond typing… and Last seen,
Heck! Why don’t you just ask how I’ve been and see,
Maybe a lot has just been happening and I’m not trying to be mean,
Life is full of vagaries, you should know, seeing as you only came back to vibing last week.

 

Anyway,
I’m yours impermanently over text,
Until you figure out that calling or meeting is best,

Evans Mbora Campbell
I Don’t Want to Know WhatsApp.

Body Petty

The internet,
Bombarding us with images of the perfect girl,
Breasts undisturbed, perky and easily-cupped,
Wears no dresses,
Marks on her never stretch,
Curls on her hair are infinite at worst,
and the length of that hair is indefinite at best.

 

I’m guilty of exalting that model,
I have fallen prey to the ads so super,
I am culpable for having let this get to me.

At times,
Being a denizen of the city,
I admittedly have partaken willingly in the farce,
Laughed at her for having a little this or too little ass that,
As a matter of fact,
Sometimes I have proactively gone ahead to beam my own insecurities,
Onto the figures of these unknown personalities.

But it is at times like these β€”
when everyone wants to call the other fat or flat β€”
That I must bow the knee and unlearn.

 

I’m sorry I made you feel unworthy,
Your sufficience was directly proportional to my in-
securities and puerile antics,
Your significance warrants more merit than myopic optics,
And I know this now that you’re no longer by my side standing.

 

Too little, too late,
And I’m currently installing AdBlock for all this click-bait,
Maybe by some odd, undeserved twist of fate,
I’ll meet you as an unlearned and in my arms, you, take
Without you feeling the need to hesitate and deliberate.

 

Yours in no certainty,

Evans Mbora Campbell
Body Petty

Gregarious Lurker

If I said I wanted you near me I would be understating to what degree I need that to be,
I think about you almost daily, but you don’t exist as a single being,
Alas, I am single in my being and feel so much for so many β€” I keep discovering,
So what do we do with this polynomial I seem incapable of solving?

 

Did you know that it is possible to spread out oneself and not be too felt?
I certainly think I have found the key to success and unlocking this secret so well-kept,
I guess in the end all that matters is that you lay on my chest and feel, off your feet, swept,
Or maybe it’s that I lay in yours and tangle my toes with yours so our feet seem webbed.

 

I don’t quite know if all of you would like to be with me,
You’re stuck in various burdening situations and nothing is ever as easy as it seems,
Apparently I make for good laughs, and I can stitch you up when you’re tearing at the seams,
My smile isn’t white but its width is just enough to make you beam,
But in these games we play, I can never quite expect a win-win.

 

Yours, in fault and in innocence,

Evans Mbora Campbell
Gregarious Lurker

Missed Connections

Watches…
Human beings, like expensive watches, come with their complications
Yours was that you belong to another,
Mine was that I belonged to no other
And so came the many intriguing, all-consuming situations.

We’re comfortable in our own skin when no one watches,
We’re even more at ease when everyone is around, blending in with intimacy that has no sound;
I love your hair and you’re amused by mine,
But I think what warms me up the most is the fact that I can (and can’t) say I am thine

Time is not for us to define,
But alas it has the power to shape everything we have before us,
I would love to see where this goes down the line,
So I stay, because even for the future unknown, I shan’t let this moment pass.

We met at my hour of no need,
And when I was least prone to greed,
Now I struggle but fervently heed,
my own call to stay calm in the face of your being so sweet

Just as in shallow waters one cannot row,
So can you not see the side of me I do not show,
And though you may never know how deep the rabbit hole goes,
I am beginning to understand that from it β€” for you β€” a river of love flows.

Yours on the next flight potentially,

Evans Mbora Campbell.
Flight BRBX0X0

Serial Feeler

I fall in hard and I fall so deep,
But it is precisely these states I find so hard to keep,
I’m slow to hate, but love quick,
And in between an indifference sticks.

I am but me, burnt to a crisp and tender to the touch,
I laugh, sing, mimic and blush,
My actions lead to choices hard and people sad, which is never fun: I crush,
And it’s often just a question of “How long will this lust last?”

In the throes of our gasps and stimulated pants, we never stop to think of that,
We never quite question the possibility of it all going flat,
But reality is brutal in its push for truth; down the idols of your dreams shall crash!
And in those moments you lose the rush,
You know what’s next but it hurts so much,
And as such, you struggle to be honest with the broken trust,
You fight the light that exposes your weakness so stark: caught mid-thrust.

But the real problem you have β€” what keeps you up at night and such,
Is your inability to be anything other than who you are,
And the fact that you fight it so hard.

You are but Yours,
In perpetuity,

Evans Mbora Campbell
The Serial Feeler

Lover and Destroyer

I know what happened darkened the days that had you excited,
I know that, like bruises, it left blue-black marks on your life β€” BP oil spill cruises.
You know that these words will never be enough to leave our fences mended,
You know that in this internecine battle I’m destined to be the one that loses.

I shall, however, wish for your peace of mind; whether I find mine is best left to guesses,
I have made my bed and with it so many mistakes, missing takes in my life dotted with scenic stretches,
Only now, looking back at my route, do I see the Should-Have path that could have guaranteed my β€” our β€” safe passage,
And with this 20/20 clarity I can certainly attest to having lost the test of matching your courage,
I am sorry I could not save you from myself darling; sorry that I cowardly fled with the horses for our carriage.

I lost you by seeking out my devil,
And find you in memory by realising your angel halo.

See me now on bended knee, with an overdue apology,
Though you may never deem me fit to be Yours in perpetuity,

Evans Mbora Campbell
Lover and Destroyer.

A, B, C …

I’m left perplexed by the complexity Attributed to love, “like” and destiny,

There Are Apparently timelines to the path that services a journey of such intensity that it is impossible, as with all emotional things, to describe it finitely…

Should I take a week to have my feet from below me swept in a single move, sometimes incomplete?

Am I necessarily bound to believe that Attractions grow over a year of words so sweet and gifts bought, expensive, sentimental or even cheap?

I Believe that the true qualities of all matters pertinent to heartstrings shall always remain mysteries,

It would Be simply vainglorious and overzealous to try and Break down matters of subjective clarity into pieces of description restricted by the Boundaries of what many of us deem to be REALITY…

We know not how strong the human heart can Be, how powerful the emotions that ground its purpose are, how they influence all that happens on the surface,

We are But mere mortals, guided By a part of us made to live on in another dimension, free of our Bodies and designed with infinite grace…

We are all that our soul shall accept that we Be and that our mind shall lead our hearts to feel from what we perceive,

And should we Be IN LOVE, LIKE or OTHERWISE, I see no reason why we should limit our eyes by closing them in the face of what others say,let them express their surprise,

But let them set your horizon for you, and you shall only suffer from the pain of all that you could have realised if you let yourself Be that girl/guy!

Come on now!” is what they’ll say, You’ve got it bad when you feel something but Can’t let it out, you force it down, fight to keep it at bay!

At the end of it all, Come what may, you end up being the victim of self-inflicted dismay, you’re the statistic resulting from your own delay!

“…In life not a day goes by that I Can sit still and Claim that I don’t see her face in my memories, I’m such a disgrace…”

The words of a pensive, secretive man, free of a plan and Challenging himself with a dilemma; torn between deciding whether he Can or Choosing that he Can’t …

Choose to be the better Child, learn from the ways of the wild and see that the heart is but an organ with 4 Chambers, there’s definitely someone out there, but for your soul dear son!

Β 

Yours in perpetuity,

Β 

EvAns MBora Campbell.