Outta My System…

…inspired as this is, it’s only a shadow of the expression humanly possible for that from which it stems,

There’s so much everyone and anyone could say to make things right, but  none shall come close to closing wounds gaping,

They never will know what happened, whether YOU tell them or I do, in the end I said those words too early and lied to you,

or to me or alternatively to both of us, I called the play wrong and now I’m off the field and on a rampage, nosediving,

There’s a lot of things I never thought possible in my life, one of them was that I could do this to someone after the pain it put ME through,

Always and Forever we said, since then I always thought of it that way, the dreamer with a glimmer in his eyes, nothing could change the fact that her skin shimmered and I believed,

I believed in the cause we had, trusted in the abundance of the love that fuelled its very existence,

until the fateful day when it all went up in smoke before my eyes and in my ears,

since then, even with the years, I’m here no better than I was when I felt the pain that would bring any sentimentalist to tears,

I’m empty, cold and lost, understanding is a misunderstanding, none can see just how deeply this fault has breached the surface…

 

 

 

You did, but look what I brought you to, a wasteland promising an oasis,

I ruined the very fabric that held our broken parts together, I brought the castle crashing down in the wake of my indecencies,

My lack of prudence is my weakness, the worst thing I ever imposed upon my own character, yet hardly the reason we’re here today,

I pushed 2 years ago down a deep drain, but one that has clearly never been deep enough,

Things were rough and in a bid to stay tough I told myself I’d get past it all, see myself stand tall,

Why would I fall and refuse to stand up anyway? That’s not what I’m all about!

But clearly all those were vain shouts, I’ve damaged my internals by tunnelling a hole through them that led to nowhere but deeper inside,

I need to pick a side but none avails any result that seems easy to deal with,

The fact that I can’t even pinpoint where all this is from is even more painful,

Aggravating and incensing, why can’t I just get back to what I was? You were such an exceptional person,

I should have, would have and could have kept things simple and saved you from me,

But here I am dealing with the result of my own stupidity, victim of my greed and cause of injury to a heart undeserving of anything less than sincerity in its entirety,

EACH day will be a reminder of what was, what could have been, what might be in a different time dimension,

Unforgettable and proof that there’s a lot more to my wounds than the scars they left…

I’M SORRY… Forgiveness will never be fitting for me or what I did,

but I’m laying my informed and unending remorse before you that you may spit upon it and tell me it can never be enough for my sins…

 

 

 

 

Yours in perpetuity,

 

Evans Mbora Campbell.

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