…progress seems evidently unattainable as I struggle to make sense of it all,
I’m left standing alone at every turning, as if life wishes nothing more than to see me desolate and lonely…
Forlorn and almost certainly an outcast by my own design, cursed with the quest for love I shall never find,
Left to rummage through all that is but a morsel of my once graceful days, a shadow of what I once was, settling for less and letting go of what IS best!
Should it be true that I’m meant for a long list as opposed to a substantial one with unnecessary but sufficient links, then I’m afraid mine is a bag of hope ridden with leaks,
Nothing is forthcoming when all that’s coming is actually unbecoming; despicable results and almost bitter assault of all who lie in the wake of this heart’s whims…
It seems that I am no longer destined to the roses and sunset scenes of which I once dreamed, not meant for sharing such felicities with anyone but my imaginary partner during our daily midnight meeting,
I am bound by my discrepancies to a life of uncertainties, judged by the kind I seek to please for my inequity, an eventuality of my every attraction and most recently an established inevitability!
Should there arise a circumstance in which nothing shall arise but the challenge of toning down interest, I shall be more than glad to vest all of the lonesome organ in my chest in it, crossing my fingers, touching wood and hoping for perpetuity!
Presently, however, distance, emotional, physical, mental or otherwise, seems to be hindering all that, and promises to continue to do so indefinitely…
…I wonder if I’m meant to live this lie, this tale I spin for myself, reassuring for all the wrong reasons, ignoring all the realities of countless unchanged seasons!
I’m back here once again, square one has me trapped in a quagmire, seemingly chained to indecision and lack of completion,
Yet many may argue that my solitude should be my greatest strength, my freedom from inhibitions imposed by a companion and intimate relations, yet I see not how that finds any such justification, given my considerations!
I feel the need to have an invisible creed with another, one that shall keep us side by side when life’s speed threatens to sweep us off our feet, yet that need seems to be what impedes my quest for a union worth mention.
…here I am again, counting and losing track after ten, which leads me to believe that I must succumb to life and its randomness, even though it puts my impatience to the test,
I’m tired of trying, albeit subconsciously and involuntarily, I must now resign to the fact that I might as well rest!
Place a disclaimer across my chest and warn all that dare go near there that their actions and our interactions from that point on are subject to an uncertain length-
of time and depth of intent, only higher powers could give an answer as to why that is so, mere mortals such as myself remain clueless and,
- to the effects, helpless!
…I remain yours in perpetuity,
Yours being mine and mine being my own, With you being me and what I own being solely mine to own, I am, subsequently, nothing but alone,
Evans Mbora Campbell.
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