In the midst of the plain lands I associate with confusion,
I roam surprised by how I find myself trapped in this place of delusions!
Perplexed by the enigma that characterizes this state of frustration…
I can’t quite seem to grasp the unseen in the position I’m in,
I seem to read yet nothing I attempt to perceive seems real,
The writings, jottings, numbers and words, all feel abstract and beyond reach,
As if they were beyond me when I gave them a place in this space we know as reality.
Thus, with all these lost thoughts of what I appear to have never been taught,
I wonder if there is indeed any hope for me in this period where battles are lost if not hard-fought!
Shall I really stand the tests of time and tide to remind myself of such trying paradigms?
Or will my efforts and prayers leave me sidelined by my own inexplicable quest for my misery and demise?
(For I feel opposed to my own inclinations toward the good and divine)
I refuse to accept the latter state of affairs,
It not only insults all that I have sacrificed to be here,
But defeats the very essence of my rationality as a human being ready to face fears!
So, what shall I do when all that precedes this dilemma seems so steadfast and true, but I am now lost and apparently in tears?
Surprised by how quickly my impetus seems to have disappeared,
Wondering if I may have been ahead of myself when deciding to be fierce-
what’s going on there, for that’s where I seek to be,
But clearly I am so distracted by my own ills,
yet they are not nearly as fleeting as the promise of better things,
that I avoid reaching!
This lack of harmony between mind and soul is sickening,
Am I to lose all hope in peace and stop searching?
Or am I simply in need of guided meditation, and a short session of napping?
Will I survive this world crashing?
Or shall I be crushed to remember nothing?
In my confusion I must conclude,
For being lost aids not my cause when there are vital matters to be pursued…
Yours in perpetuity,
Evans Mbora Campbell.
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