In recent times I thought and indeed ‘felt’ the need to find a lady to hold close to heart and soul,
To cherish and treat with utmost respect and to protect within the limits of common sense, hopefully till we grow old,
But at the age and times in which I find myself engaged, I stop to think about WHY I should struggle so early to have my heart sold,
When there are so many who deserve more than my lustful greed and whose deeds supersede the importance placed on relationships, truth be told!
So I decide not to indulge in these associations and relations, and my reasons I divulge openly,
But at the back of my mind, in a crevice I least thought threatening, another thought brews ominously!
And when it eventually spills over and out of its cauldron into the rest of my unsuspecting faculties, it paralyses my attempts at acting instantly!
Now I am forced to stare at each lovely
, sweet, sensitive lady who walks by me,
That I may find their weaknesses and acknowledge those with whom I can live with amicably!
And simultaneously establish which among them I shall boldly approach with my , for a relationship , plea!
But NO I refuse to be a prisoner of my own will!
No, there’s something not right about this, for my initial position was one of indifference, and now I seek its opposite?!
I must put an end to this insanity and lack of clarity! I must be free to swallow or spit out this bitter pill,
How is it that my own mind can conspire against me with this heart I thought I had appeased?
Why am I ‘feeling’ and not THINKING as the case is supposed to be?
Aren’t I better than this?
Am I not supposed to be mingling with every fair one I see only for one night as if I’m lonely?
But wait, I AM lonely!
I’m single and I try too hard to ignore the emotions yet they are like the see-throughs I’m attracted to, REVEALING!
Will I survive this genocidal civil war within me?
And who shall emerge victor, I, or Victoria, the sensational lady I dreamt I met and married in Pretoria?
I’m lost in my own train of thoughts about what I am, how the hell am I supposed to stand tall when I can crawl just barely ?
I mean, I am slightly , kind of, maybe dependent on the warmth and care that can only be received from our counterparts with femininity!
But for now, yeah, for now I’m ME,
That’s Mbora Evans, in case you couldn’t see,
And I’m single, would you like to be?
Yours in perpetuity,
Evans Mbora Campbell.
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