Sometimes…(Tribute to Joyce Campbell)

I wish I could join you where you are,
For being without you eats at my insides and mine is a lonely heart,
I have so much I wish I could tell, so much I wish I could say and see you laugh,
But you’re no longer here, and upon realising that-
I can’t find a way to quell the despondency that envelopes my heart in a rush.

Dear mum, I miss you more than anything I’ve ever had,
For you were beyond anything, you were EVERYTHING, and now that your presence I lack,
I keep thinking I can’t hack-
away at these obstacles that seem to need consultation with oracles to be effectively cracked…
I can’t emote fully as a man would require to do with a mother in this world so dark,
And thinking I can stay cold to the fact,
is as good as pretending I wasn’t born black!

In the end life takes turns,
at aggravating the situation by reminding all of us-
how short it actually is, as we continue to see others-
fall into death’s untimely grasp!
Sometimes I remember the last time I had your hand in mine clasped,
And I want to pretend that I’m living in that moment and that it’s not in the past,
But someone comes up to me and ruins my reverie, interrupts what remains probably-
among the best things I have in memory of my times spent with thee!
People say what you used to say about me and my music,
They say I’m being anti-social, but they can’t see,
That the music pushes down the tears that keep welling beneath,
It keeps the pain at bay and gives me room to breathe,
But each breath I take on a day when I remember you,
Is forced into my chest with so much difficulty!
For, in truth, sometimes, I wish I could leave this world devoid of your existence,
And join you in being beyond human in essence,

…But in those times I think of dad and Richard and realise that I still have purpose,
That you taught me well that I may be able to carry out for this family any task,
That I may live to see us all grow prosperous,
That I may live to do my best, you taught me not to care, A or A minus,
I still must rejoice in all that I achieve by giving the best of my brain and my own two hands,
I have to watch out and identify who would never decline me and be a loyal friend,
That I may see the world as the cruel place it is with all its indiscriminate and unforgiving events,
And turn, in tumultuous times, to those who I can forever call family,
for, on them, I shall always be able to depend.

Sometimes mum, I just miss having someone to throw the silliest jokes at,
Someone who would appreciate all that defines me as God’s very own art-
and not look down upon or continually disrespect the reality that my melancholy defines the position of my heart.

Sometimes mum,
I just miss how you used to hum-
all those beautiful love songs as we drove around and listened to KBC at sundown,
And I miss how I promised you that I’d someday learn guitar and, just for you, strum,
Sometimes, I just miss you for YOU mum,
And I’ll forever love and remember you, KINGDOM COME!

Your son in perpetuity,
Evans Mbora Campbell.

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