In my mental

Stressed, suicidal, depressed.You need it — all under one roof — we got it

Supermarket like Nakumatt. 
I’ve been down the road,

Over the bridge,

Down the way and I heard ’em say,

Nothing’s ever promised tomorrow today
I love her 😍,

Rockstar,

But I’m not, really,

You see me trapping because I’m trapped,

You feel me hurting,

No?

Thanks for the like instead of the telephone call,

Thanks for sharing it all 🙏🏾

I was out and with nothing to nurse my fall,

I could only end up in a crawl,

And after all-owing,

I had nothing left when I got something. 

Nothing left and you still thought we had something?

I cried about you and lied we were good 😊,

I don’t want to be rude but it’s fucked how you’re the dude,

I’m in my feelings all the time and that’s not you,

Which is probably why I love yours so much so,

It comes from a place of unfamiliarity and uncertainty,

But it’s as genuine as your smile when you’re at the marina with the roomie. 

I love you. You are as free and liberating as this free writing. 
In all the darkness I thought only of you. 

Remember when I said it in that hotel in Dar,

Telling you (in brief) long tales of how far,

We came and hurt we became and I could only in those times think of your name. 

And still you play the game,

Because really you know your emotions you intentionally tame,

Really you know you love and have a heart but want to tell me you’re hard. 
But I’ll deal 😷 

I came prepared, mask on,

I’m here for the long haul,

Let’s play ball 🏀 

I love you and I’m unafraid to say it

If I died right then (remember then and THEN), I’d be okay with it. 

There, I said it. 
Yours in perpetuity,

Whether you choose to see me and be with it is up to thee,
Evans Mbora Campbell 

PS: Just Me

Ferry ⛴ | Musings

“I hate when we fight,
She in love with the pipe.”
— Quavo, pick up the phone 📱 

How much do we ask about her freedom to do as she wishes for a change,
WE only care what she does for change yet we don’t want to provide something within her needs range,
Air cannot feed a child or house a family, neither does it dissipate rage,
So respect her for all that she does, achieves and works towards before turning the page.

“I E.F.T my plug a tip
and he delivers to the crib”
— Nasty-C, Coolest Kid in Africa

Because the police are outside and they lie that this herb is bad,
Because in many a mind the natural is behind and needs the boosts of supplements — sad,
Legalise or decriminalise and improve the standards of the truly natural medicine in the country — just that!

“You have a right to all your choices,
It drip like poison.”
— Father feat. Tommy Genesis

It sucks that we proactively suck away women’s willingness to decide for themselves when they come into our lives,
Some are obsessed with controlling them and determining their vibes,
When they curate none entertaining enough themselves to sufficiently provide.

“I write what’s in my heart, don’t give a fuck who fucking with it.”
— J. Cole, False Prophets

Art for me (and you),
Comes from a single initiative,
Meeting others in a manner collaborative,
But it is independent (as it should be),
Of the politics involved in pleasing all,
Because it knows that on its own two legs it cannot fall,
And any reasonable man will eventually see reason after all.

 

Yours in deconstruction,

Evans Mbora Campbell
Fresh off the Boat.

I’m a G

.O.A.T, or lost in celebrity,
houl, though I think it’s cool,
host, because sticking around is for glue,
oblin, green with the greed, 2+1 is (three),
rue(some), the world has turned me against it,
arish, hipsters never found admission in a parish,
rown, but with too little to own,
ood, but will never be remembered when I perish,
old, sold myself to the possessions I got on loan,
od? Love is I but can it be selfish?
one, in a flash of smoke and confetti, make a wish.

Should’ve, Would’ve, Could’ve

If you knew that I was gone why didn’t you come after me,
If you heard the song and knew the words, why didn’t you repeat after me?
Where were you when everything was going to shit,
Where were you when I couldn’t take another hit?
Why don’t you look into my eyes and tell the truth about what you think?

Life will keep giving you what you don’t expect,
I will keep working against all the lies and fallacies that you bred,
All the evils that you have continually fed.

Off you went, away you sped,
The lights were red but for you that was best,
Devious and stunning in your dissent,
Keen and cunning in your ascent,
I suppose none of us should fault your impenetrable intent,
But it’s hard to admit when you’re down, out and completely spent.

 

Yours in no certainty,

Evans Mbora Campbell.
Regret Street, Hse. No. 245

I Feel Selfish

I want to keep hearing from you,
But it would appear that I am but another voice in the cacophony of your mind,
I’m trying hard to reside in your memory, but my pitch is the lowest and I’m standing outside,
I want to know if there is something I did or said — or failed to — that has me in the red,
But part of me knows that this knowledge would be futile and I probably need you out of my head.

 
I need to ignore the fact that you’ve read,
seen, gleaned from and even replied to some of my last texts…
I need to stop staring at your picture before bed,
I need to stop thinking that you and I are somehow connected,
I need to cut off the hand that has profusely bled in a bid to see my imagination of you fed,
I need, but I do not heed,
I bleed, but I do not heal,
I want, but I cannot have,
I chase, but I cannot grab,
You’re here and you’re in a dark space yourself,
I’m right by your side but between us is a gulf so wide, it’s felt.

 

 

If anything I could say could ease your pain I would whisper it in the night and shout it by day,
But I am in a state of feeling disdained, probably just wrong for all the right people and lost in many a way,
I want to say goodnight to my chest as if it is there that you lay,
But I hold my breath not for the chance that in my life you shall stay,
This and many wishes remain a horse that long went astray,
And I a beggar that cannot ride it away.

 

Sometimes I fucking hate this life,
Sometimes I just want to find a semblance of peace in light of all this strife,
Sometimes… just sometimes, I know it was good I put down that knife,
But right now, I just wish I could step out of the limelight,
And into your timeline,
That you may see me as the flaw that need you might,
And hear me at the door as your guardian by night.

 

Yours in unresolved states of mind

Evans Mbora Campbell.
The Selfish Slight

Last Seen Pt.2

I’m so anxious I can’t even get attacks,
I’m so conscious of the fact that I’m yet to hear back,
I hate that this inbox count reflects a lack…
of your input, that one source I seem heavily reliant upon,
But that evades me like a distracted, dog-seeking bone.

I want to know that we’re okay,
I wish I could just breeze by each day,
Not thinking about whether there is a reason for this delay,
And not wondering if you’re sorry for it; on that album I press play,
I want to think that you definitely care, you asked me not too far away to stray,
So I’ll be here, whenever you’re back and ready to be as open as I felt you were that Sunday.

It’s 3:00AM,
I’m stuck saying things like “Damn”,
Because it may seem late but my brain is in its own frame,
The saxophone in this Rhythm Section is not one to tame,
I have lost myself in it, like they say with the sauce and the fame,
and now I imagine how you would too, if you were in this adjacent couch lane,
It’s 3:10AM now, something has to give and in to sleep I shall,
Goodnight charmer of my mental,
You touched parts of me buried in dust and locked away in a vault of denial,
I meditate to gravitate towards a state more sane,
But I’m not sure I can levitate to a place I don’t want you in

Oh well,
I’ll just look out for your last seen,

Evans Mbora Campbell
That’s Just My Thing.

I Don’t Want to Know WhatsApp

I generally avoid this app,
It goes against a lot that I learnt growing up,
Ticks are supposed to be positive reinforcement for the good things you do,
Not a cutting indictment just by virtue of a changed hue,
So what if they’re now blue?
Who made this the basis of our communication all through?
“I’m late to text because I had an assignment due,”
“I got a little distracted by the latest season of Dr. Who…”
Why should that make me have to rue not getting back to you?

 

In school,
These ticks were red and they never left us blue,
They were a tool,
They excited and incited, we sought them like food,
But now, they only make us wonder if it’s “too soon”,
“Oh my, I texted and she hasn’t replied, what should I do?”
Relax and think back to a time before this was all you knew,
Or tap into the human knowledge passed down for centuries to your innate sensibilities,
And realise that maybe, kinda, sorta, really, it’s all good in the hood.

 

Maybe I’m biased because I have experience with letters,
Those well-scripted, highly coveted and much-adorned pieces of paper I sent across county borders,
Hoping that their unsuspecting recipients would deem me worthy of a requited gesture.
Back then you had no choice but to wait and play it safe,
You had no right to a reply or any idea whether she had several from another guy; strafe,
So you held your breath not and prayed,
That she dug the dedix in the post-scriptum and — with her number — another paper would return…

 

 

But now look at us, so lost in the paste of distastefully being unable to wait,
Unable to reason beyond typing… and Last seen,
Heck! Why don’t you just ask how I’ve been and see,
Maybe a lot has just been happening and I’m not trying to be mean,
Life is full of vagaries, you should know, seeing as you only came back to vibing last week.

 

Anyway,
I’m yours impermanently over text,
Until you figure out that calling or meeting is best,

Evans Mbora Campbell
I Don’t Want to Know WhatsApp.

Slow Kisser

You’re finally here,
My heart has been racing, hard
…is what I may or may not be just
here in your radiant presence,
Pineapple-yellow pants and that calming face,
Genuine smile and lovely style,
SHEESH.

 

Generally I hardly get this happy,
And when I do I tend to fail at nurturing,
But so far I feel we’re beautifully at par,
Though you’re more beautiful, by far.

 

I want to look into your eyes without your glasses on,
I want to hear your sighs so close it feels like I have earphones on,
I want to feel your coconut-oiled skin against mine like it was velcroed on,
And just watch your chest heave as you lay in peace, asleep.

 

I have admittedly imagined a lot,
But all of it will manifest as time, tide and vibes see fit,
I’m getting distracted by how hard my heart beats,
I keep disengaging from the application of ink,
to stare at you as if afraid you might leave.

 

My palms are sweaty,
My smiles are cheeky and sheepish,
Our first fight was about your shoes,
How outlandish.

 

Yours in present time,

Evans Mbora Campbell.
Slow Kisser